Well first of all sorry sorry sorry I've not been posting. But its not been easy recently at all, my heads been in quite a dark place and only recently have I been feeling a better. Where to start I suppose I know from where I left off ;)
Well the LARP was like a breath of fresh air and it was lovely to catch up with so many people and also get back to doing something I love and enjoy, really exceptional Sunday and well it seemed that when i got back that's when it all went a bit wrong.
I was tempted to write a post after I got back but I the post would of been filled with a fair amount of venom and not that pleasant, to say the least it felt like my world was ripped out from under me and toss aside like it was fuck all. Have never felt so disrespected and angry, kinda spiralled into that dark place and stayed there and thrashed about in my own maelstrom. Took me a while to get back to me feeling calm and good and back to the old bird.
This last week I have been doing my essay, ohh that essay, how I hate you. Organic nomenclature fine,even with the stereochemistry, though the thermodynamics when feeling quite demotivated and meh can be a bit daunting, especially when its all math based.I was supposed to be getting some support on the math but you know, not to speak bad but it never happened.
On the plus side, my magick studies are coming along nicely and also tonight I've done a lot of release and healing and well for the last 4-5 days have been feeling more like me, clear focused and driven. Also I feel happy and well got a few things planned. I hand my essay in on Thursday so intend to do something pleasant over the weekend :)
Anyway you lot, new video blog coming up soon. Love, light and things which sneak up behind you in the night. Until the morrow....
NNB
Showing posts with label occult. Show all posts
Showing posts with label occult. Show all posts
Monday, 5 December 2011
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Well I resurfaced
Hello everyone again....
Now a new blog gets written and as you can see by the name it means that something big has happened for me to start again well it has... Me and my partner of 8 years have split, so as well as expanding myself I'm also going into a new phase of my life.
This happened a while back and well I called an end to it, the reasons were sound and I never will regret my decision. Also it was terrifying and nearly killed me to end things, but it was the only way. Now those who read this and well speak to me on facebook, know I have been a bit up and down, but had seemed to settle on an up. If I'm honest i never really faced my feelings on this. I have a young son, whose autism makes him quite susceptible to changing emotions, so I have to stay relatively calm and collected. In doing so I never really looked at how i was feeling and well as i sit here, listening to some music at 4.10am in the morning, it dawned on my, that though I've been pretty *tough*, underneath it all was a quite a lot of sadness it had to end and well a sense of loneliness, but after 8 years you need to expect it. Thankfully our split is amicable and there is no bad blood, but after spending a huge chunk of you life with someone and then changing all of that is quite the prospect as I so eloquently say is *mental*.
The future laid ahead of me is big, scary, complicated, exciting and exhilarating and its going to be an adventure, but first I need to sort me out and focus on my own well being and that of my sons. I also need to find what I want in the world now and what the world represents to me and how best to move forward. So this brings me to the main point of this new blog. Through some thought, I thought that the best course of action would be to enter into a *magickal retirement* to truly find myself again and reach out and touch everything which got missed or was lost. I'm already at one with myself fully, but I think there is more to me then I even know, so this is my journey to find that.
I'm in the planning stages currently and highly tempted to get the festive season out of the way, I also have a section on thermodynamics to figure out and a few essays to write. But the planning process is going to take some time so that when I start everything is in order.
Also remember reach for happiness and take it life's to short to be unhappy.
NNB
Now a new blog gets written and as you can see by the name it means that something big has happened for me to start again well it has... Me and my partner of 8 years have split, so as well as expanding myself I'm also going into a new phase of my life.
This happened a while back and well I called an end to it, the reasons were sound and I never will regret my decision. Also it was terrifying and nearly killed me to end things, but it was the only way. Now those who read this and well speak to me on facebook, know I have been a bit up and down, but had seemed to settle on an up. If I'm honest i never really faced my feelings on this. I have a young son, whose autism makes him quite susceptible to changing emotions, so I have to stay relatively calm and collected. In doing so I never really looked at how i was feeling and well as i sit here, listening to some music at 4.10am in the morning, it dawned on my, that though I've been pretty *tough*, underneath it all was a quite a lot of sadness it had to end and well a sense of loneliness, but after 8 years you need to expect it. Thankfully our split is amicable and there is no bad blood, but after spending a huge chunk of you life with someone and then changing all of that is quite the prospect as I so eloquently say is *mental*.
The future laid ahead of me is big, scary, complicated, exciting and exhilarating and its going to be an adventure, but first I need to sort me out and focus on my own well being and that of my sons. I also need to find what I want in the world now and what the world represents to me and how best to move forward. So this brings me to the main point of this new blog. Through some thought, I thought that the best course of action would be to enter into a *magickal retirement* to truly find myself again and reach out and touch everything which got missed or was lost. I'm already at one with myself fully, but I think there is more to me then I even know, so this is my journey to find that.
I'm in the planning stages currently and highly tempted to get the festive season out of the way, I also have a section on thermodynamics to figure out and a few essays to write. But the planning process is going to take some time so that when I start everything is in order.
Also remember reach for happiness and take it life's to short to be unhappy.
NNB
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