Well everyone today has been a good day! Had an indoors day, as had a lot to get through, though a friend popped over and twas nice to see her. After last nights meditations I felt a bit more motivated and focused today (what I was aiming for). Got a lot of stuff in the house done, energy feels nice and clear.
I'm going to be doing a video blog on alters(well the first of a few on the subject) so keep your eyes peeled. Also if I find the time, I intend to write an account and share it with you, of my invocation of Samael, as well as an experience its a reflection I've been wanted to write down for a long time about ceremonial magick and its effects on the mind
I was going to do it as a video but in all seriousness, it would just get far to drawn out by the end of it. Plus try to keep the taped rambles to no more then ten mins, this is one of these subjects I could talk about for ten hours(yes run away now lol). So a hefty post coming up either tonight or tomorrow. Depends how much more of this sodding essay I do
Anyway this birdy has a few things to quietly reflect on so until later, peace out and don't do anything I wouldn't :)
NNB
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Monday, 5 December 2011
Urmm sorry about the glitch
Well first of all sorry sorry sorry I've not been posting. But its not been easy recently at all, my heads been in quite a dark place and only recently have I been feeling a better. Where to start I suppose I know from where I left off ;)
Well the LARP was like a breath of fresh air and it was lovely to catch up with so many people and also get back to doing something I love and enjoy, really exceptional Sunday and well it seemed that when i got back that's when it all went a bit wrong.
I was tempted to write a post after I got back but I the post would of been filled with a fair amount of venom and not that pleasant, to say the least it felt like my world was ripped out from under me and toss aside like it was fuck all. Have never felt so disrespected and angry, kinda spiralled into that dark place and stayed there and thrashed about in my own maelstrom. Took me a while to get back to me feeling calm and good and back to the old bird.
This last week I have been doing my essay, ohh that essay, how I hate you. Organic nomenclature fine,even with the stereochemistry, though the thermodynamics when feeling quite demotivated and meh can be a bit daunting, especially when its all math based.I was supposed to be getting some support on the math but you know, not to speak bad but it never happened.
On the plus side, my magick studies are coming along nicely and also tonight I've done a lot of release and healing and well for the last 4-5 days have been feeling more like me, clear focused and driven. Also I feel happy and well got a few things planned. I hand my essay in on Thursday so intend to do something pleasant over the weekend :)
Anyway you lot, new video blog coming up soon. Love, light and things which sneak up behind you in the night. Until the morrow....
NNB
Well the LARP was like a breath of fresh air and it was lovely to catch up with so many people and also get back to doing something I love and enjoy, really exceptional Sunday and well it seemed that when i got back that's when it all went a bit wrong.
I was tempted to write a post after I got back but I the post would of been filled with a fair amount of venom and not that pleasant, to say the least it felt like my world was ripped out from under me and toss aside like it was fuck all. Have never felt so disrespected and angry, kinda spiralled into that dark place and stayed there and thrashed about in my own maelstrom. Took me a while to get back to me feeling calm and good and back to the old bird.
This last week I have been doing my essay, ohh that essay, how I hate you. Organic nomenclature fine,even with the stereochemistry, though the thermodynamics when feeling quite demotivated and meh can be a bit daunting, especially when its all math based.I was supposed to be getting some support on the math but you know, not to speak bad but it never happened.
On the plus side, my magick studies are coming along nicely and also tonight I've done a lot of release and healing and well for the last 4-5 days have been feeling more like me, clear focused and driven. Also I feel happy and well got a few things planned. I hand my essay in on Thursday so intend to do something pleasant over the weekend :)
Anyway you lot, new video blog coming up soon. Love, light and things which sneak up behind you in the night. Until the morrow....
NNB
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Shhhh its the 19th really...
Eeep little bit late on posting but had a council meeting to attend with my online group the legion of light and dark(a coven based on the website spells of magic). Would love to say I did many many wonderful things today, but my son woke me up at 4am in the morning by jumping on my abdomen, pinching my cheeks and saying "wakey wakey" so one has been feeling rather ruined all day.
The chaos has receded and it will get there when it does and to be honest I don't want the extra stress currently. Have had quite a quiet night. My son has been at his fathers and well been getting on with stuff. Though need to do some more clearing up and take the flowers of the alter, as they are beginning to wither now.
Super excited about later today and my return to LARP going to be soooo much fun, I actually get all " squeee" like when I think about it ahh its all good. Feeling like the old me a little more everyday which is good. Anyway. I best get back to it and get a spot of ritual done and cleanse the space a little bit. I think to end on something which, I tend to live by..
Do what thou will, shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will
NNB
The chaos has receded and it will get there when it does and to be honest I don't want the extra stress currently. Have had quite a quiet night. My son has been at his fathers and well been getting on with stuff. Though need to do some more clearing up and take the flowers of the alter, as they are beginning to wither now.
Super excited about later today and my return to LARP going to be soooo much fun, I actually get all " squeee" like when I think about it ahh its all good. Feeling like the old me a little more everyday which is good. Anyway. I best get back to it and get a spot of ritual done and cleanse the space a little bit. I think to end on something which, I tend to live by..
Do what thou will, shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will
NNB
Friday, 18 November 2011
18/11/2011 :Holding back the crawling chaos
Well have had a very good and positive day today. Finally had good sleep which is always nice. As for the title of todays blog, everything in the house is misplaced. I think I underestimated the time it would take(or my own personal energy levels) as everything I do something else leaks from somewhere else. I've been working for 5 hours on it today and still stuff everywhere. Ohhh how i look forward to getting it cleared and really am going to smudge this house to within an inch of it existence!
Also fully grabbed exercise today and spent a rather pleasant few hours in the gym. Was what I needed. Now to plan the weekend, I'm hoping I can finsih off tonight and perhaps get some Kundalini work done, which would be nice.
The small man will be going over to see his father tomorrow and have been trying to figure out what to do with my Saturday. My Sunday will be filled with the delights of LARP(live action roleplay) something I've not been able to do for years and well back with avengeance. Plus after the last few weeks, running around a forest with a foam latex sword, fighting people, sounds like a perfect release.
Well i thinkI have nothing more to say then this tonight.....
"Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!"
Also fully grabbed exercise today and spent a rather pleasant few hours in the gym. Was what I needed. Now to plan the weekend, I'm hoping I can finsih off tonight and perhaps get some Kundalini work done, which would be nice.
The small man will be going over to see his father tomorrow and have been trying to figure out what to do with my Saturday. My Sunday will be filled with the delights of LARP(live action roleplay) something I've not been able to do for years and well back with avengeance. Plus after the last few weeks, running around a forest with a foam latex sword, fighting people, sounds like a perfect release.
Well i thinkI have nothing more to say then this tonight.....
"Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!"
Thursday, 17 November 2011
17/11/2011 : All slow today
Well didn't have the best sleep last night, but this morning had a busy morning planned so got Damian off to school, sat down with a coffee, put empty cup on table and woke up at 12pm. To say the least was not amused that I had ended up zoning out totally. Went to meet Andy and have a wonder round town, got back, went shopping with my son, put the god dammed bed together and well have had a slow slow slow day. Nothing much is happening. I think the chaos is finally getting to me. So much so that I'm finding it difficult to do my usual ritual.
The final putting together of the bed, nearly did finish me off, tired and ratty, it had various expletives directed at it and holding of head in hands, but I got there and well persistence pays off in the end.
Tomorrow will be spent, tidying and cleaning and if i have time, will smudge the entire house. I'm looking forward to a relaxing but busy weekend, but want the house to be in order or I will be continuously on edge! Thankfully the bed is now down and for the first time in 11 days I'm a going to get a good nights sleep. All very mundane today, but as I said, slow slow day!
But time to step back and relax soon!
NNB
The final putting together of the bed, nearly did finish me off, tired and ratty, it had various expletives directed at it and holding of head in hands, but I got there and well persistence pays off in the end.
Tomorrow will be spent, tidying and cleaning and if i have time, will smudge the entire house. I'm looking forward to a relaxing but busy weekend, but want the house to be in order or I will be continuously on edge! Thankfully the bed is now down and for the first time in 11 days I'm a going to get a good nights sleep. All very mundane today, but as I said, slow slow day!
But time to step back and relax soon!
NNB
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Laying down the Law
Well i decided that I would be best if i devised some form of rule system with myself so that I actually get everything done when it needed to be. Also by adhering to these rules, daily up until the point of my retirement I think they will help me train my will and get me ready for what lie ahead.
The Rules
2 hours of uni study at least per day
2 hours of exercise per day
2 hours of occult based study and practice
2 hours of general housework
and... at least 5 hours of sleep nightly(this may not seem like a lot but its a lot for me recently)
Also need to cut down on the caffeine, drink more water and eat less unprocessed foods.
Now today generally as been very good. Started the day after my son had gone to school with a general house blessing and the LBRP. Today has been quiet which was nice, though my new bed came and managed to nearly remove my eye whilst putting it together.
This evening Andy came over as we needed to rack the wine. For quite a few years we have made our own wines and beers and well there were 10 gallons of wine needed doing. Had a few drinks and was nice to speak to Andy so openly and freely about our opinions on various things, without the worry of offending the other person. Now it would seem people may find this weird.. But in all seriousness, this man is the father of my child and I have nothing but love for him, so if people have an issue with it then well, I'm very sorry I live not to serve you, I am my own person now and I will do as I will and as my true will dictates,. Getting off my ranty chair for a moment small dude really enjoyed seeing daddy mid week.
We also had another chat about taking Damian to NSA to help with his autism. Because it is slightly out the box(though harmless) Andy is unsure, so I said we could get a session and then see how it goes. NSA or network spinal analysis was recommended by a friend whom also taught me SRI(Sonmato repository integration) which is a set of techniques which go hand in hand with the NSA treatments. I do feel it could help and well anything to help my small dude out in a very large and odd world.
I'm quite impressed I managed to write something sensible tonight(and also not head long into a huge rant) as well have had a couple of beers (nothing much) and now i think is time for me to put some music on, read some of my course work and also fullfil a few thing.
My bed is still not finished so need to get that done or might just say hell to it and stay right here on the sofa again
You should listen to yourself and trust in yourself and not feel unnecessary pressure from people who have no right to put it there
NNB
The Rules
2 hours of uni study at least per day
2 hours of exercise per day
2 hours of occult based study and practice
2 hours of general housework
and... at least 5 hours of sleep nightly(this may not seem like a lot but its a lot for me recently)
Also need to cut down on the caffeine, drink more water and eat less unprocessed foods.
Now today generally as been very good. Started the day after my son had gone to school with a general house blessing and the LBRP. Today has been quiet which was nice, though my new bed came and managed to nearly remove my eye whilst putting it together.
This evening Andy came over as we needed to rack the wine. For quite a few years we have made our own wines and beers and well there were 10 gallons of wine needed doing. Had a few drinks and was nice to speak to Andy so openly and freely about our opinions on various things, without the worry of offending the other person. Now it would seem people may find this weird.. But in all seriousness, this man is the father of my child and I have nothing but love for him, so if people have an issue with it then well, I'm very sorry I live not to serve you, I am my own person now and I will do as I will and as my true will dictates,. Getting off my ranty chair for a moment small dude really enjoyed seeing daddy mid week.
We also had another chat about taking Damian to NSA to help with his autism. Because it is slightly out the box(though harmless) Andy is unsure, so I said we could get a session and then see how it goes. NSA or network spinal analysis was recommended by a friend whom also taught me SRI(Sonmato repository integration) which is a set of techniques which go hand in hand with the NSA treatments. I do feel it could help and well anything to help my small dude out in a very large and odd world.
I'm quite impressed I managed to write something sensible tonight(and also not head long into a huge rant) as well have had a couple of beers (nothing much) and now i think is time for me to put some music on, read some of my course work and also fullfil a few thing.
My bed is still not finished so need to get that done or might just say hell to it and stay right here on the sofa again
You should listen to yourself and trust in yourself and not feel unnecessary pressure from people who have no right to put it there
NNB
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Well I resurfaced
Hello everyone again....
Now a new blog gets written and as you can see by the name it means that something big has happened for me to start again well it has... Me and my partner of 8 years have split, so as well as expanding myself I'm also going into a new phase of my life.
This happened a while back and well I called an end to it, the reasons were sound and I never will regret my decision. Also it was terrifying and nearly killed me to end things, but it was the only way. Now those who read this and well speak to me on facebook, know I have been a bit up and down, but had seemed to settle on an up. If I'm honest i never really faced my feelings on this. I have a young son, whose autism makes him quite susceptible to changing emotions, so I have to stay relatively calm and collected. In doing so I never really looked at how i was feeling and well as i sit here, listening to some music at 4.10am in the morning, it dawned on my, that though I've been pretty *tough*, underneath it all was a quite a lot of sadness it had to end and well a sense of loneliness, but after 8 years you need to expect it. Thankfully our split is amicable and there is no bad blood, but after spending a huge chunk of you life with someone and then changing all of that is quite the prospect as I so eloquently say is *mental*.
The future laid ahead of me is big, scary, complicated, exciting and exhilarating and its going to be an adventure, but first I need to sort me out and focus on my own well being and that of my sons. I also need to find what I want in the world now and what the world represents to me and how best to move forward. So this brings me to the main point of this new blog. Through some thought, I thought that the best course of action would be to enter into a *magickal retirement* to truly find myself again and reach out and touch everything which got missed or was lost. I'm already at one with myself fully, but I think there is more to me then I even know, so this is my journey to find that.
I'm in the planning stages currently and highly tempted to get the festive season out of the way, I also have a section on thermodynamics to figure out and a few essays to write. But the planning process is going to take some time so that when I start everything is in order.
Also remember reach for happiness and take it life's to short to be unhappy.
NNB
Now a new blog gets written and as you can see by the name it means that something big has happened for me to start again well it has... Me and my partner of 8 years have split, so as well as expanding myself I'm also going into a new phase of my life.
This happened a while back and well I called an end to it, the reasons were sound and I never will regret my decision. Also it was terrifying and nearly killed me to end things, but it was the only way. Now those who read this and well speak to me on facebook, know I have been a bit up and down, but had seemed to settle on an up. If I'm honest i never really faced my feelings on this. I have a young son, whose autism makes him quite susceptible to changing emotions, so I have to stay relatively calm and collected. In doing so I never really looked at how i was feeling and well as i sit here, listening to some music at 4.10am in the morning, it dawned on my, that though I've been pretty *tough*, underneath it all was a quite a lot of sadness it had to end and well a sense of loneliness, but after 8 years you need to expect it. Thankfully our split is amicable and there is no bad blood, but after spending a huge chunk of you life with someone and then changing all of that is quite the prospect as I so eloquently say is *mental*.
The future laid ahead of me is big, scary, complicated, exciting and exhilarating and its going to be an adventure, but first I need to sort me out and focus on my own well being and that of my sons. I also need to find what I want in the world now and what the world represents to me and how best to move forward. So this brings me to the main point of this new blog. Through some thought, I thought that the best course of action would be to enter into a *magickal retirement* to truly find myself again and reach out and touch everything which got missed or was lost. I'm already at one with myself fully, but I think there is more to me then I even know, so this is my journey to find that.
I'm in the planning stages currently and highly tempted to get the festive season out of the way, I also have a section on thermodynamics to figure out and a few essays to write. But the planning process is going to take some time so that when I start everything is in order.
Also remember reach for happiness and take it life's to short to be unhappy.
NNB
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